50 things that really matter

wisdom. warm spring days. memories. honest work. faith. bubble baths.
passion. puppies. the sounds of music. seashells. candlelight.
saying "i love you". saying "i'm sorry". flowers. motherhood. a good book.
kindness. afternoon naps. friends. thunderstorms. sad movies. family.
gratitude. quiet time. independence. imagination. contentment. milestones.
hugs. sunrise. children's art. the smell of a new baby. romance. holidays.
trust. sympathy. holding hands. charity. summer nights. old dogs.
family dinners. a good cup of coffee. curiosity. a sense of wonder. hope.
companionship. home. butterflies. courage. you.

xxx Char

What a gentleman

/
"I'm a gentleman, chivalry is what I do. I'll open doors, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, but when it comes down to Mario Kart, I draw the line. I'm sorry but I just can't let you beat me at Mario Kart."

(I won)

xxx

It hurts so bad..

"i don't want us to fight or go our own way, i just want us to be friends, to be stupid and annoying, i want us to scream at each other cos your boyfriend is an ars, i want to be there when you get married, divorced and married again, i want us to be anything but us. i dont know how i want it and i quite frankly can be botherd less on how we are friends, i just want you to be, babe. And i just don't want you to leave."

"I have to leave. I don't see any other option."

Goodbye babe, Vive ahora.

And then he said to me:

"Wanting you happy was always more important than just wanting you"

xxx

So we have got to get this right...

Let's say that theoretically I really like you. And theoretically even though it sounds moronically cliche and overused - you give me butterflies. And just for kicks, let's add that all in theory of course you may be one of the wonderful people I have ever met, and hypothetically my heart beats ten times faster when I see you. Do you think that you would supposedly (and in the most theoretical sense) feel the same way?

xxx

My future

I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that someday
I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs.
And the walls that aren’t covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house I will be going to a job I love,
and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s the dream I’m working on.

xxx Char

When I have to study, I draw

Everything I know in life I learned from...

* Never use "We were on a break" as an excuse
* Remember, it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal
* Everybody had a lobster
* Quitting the gym is just as hard as quitting the bank
* For more space in bed, use the "hug and roll" technique
* Yemen is a good place to escape unwanted girlfriends
* You can do a lot with just cups and ice
* Always say the right name at the altar
* Powder and lotion will not help remove hot and sticky leather trousers
* 'man bags' aren't manly
* Don't count 'mississippily' when in a tanning booth
* "How you doin" never fails
* If stung by a jellyfish, pee on it
* Never let a monkey near a TV remote
* Only in prison do they 'cup' whilst measuring for pants
* It's not Smelly Cat's fault
* Always read make-up letters all the way through, even if they are 18 pages long. FRONT and BACK!
* You should leave your synth keyboard in de 80s where it belongs
* A nap with your best friend could be the best nap you've ever had
* Never let slip to a child that they are in fact adopted
* Meat is not an igredient in trifle
* There's no such thing as shark porn
* Your first name is not your 'family name'
* Throwing your own wake is not a good way to meet weomen
* A 'day of fun' is a good way to get to know someone
* Everyone is intitled to a 'freebie' list of 5 celebrities they can sleep with if the opportunity arises
* W.E.N.U.S stands for.. ummm?...
* Don't leave teeth whitening gel on for longer than recommended
* Never bet your apartment in a game of 'who knows who'
* Taping Oven Mitts to your hands will prevent you from scratching chicken-pox
* Never put your head in a Turkey
* Wooden spoons and toy trucks make great massaging tools
* Never let a duck and a chick near a fussball table
* 'Pheebs' is short for Phoebe, it's not just what we call our friends
* Never pose for a V.D. poster campain
* Ugly, naked and guy do not make for an attractive combination
* Playing too much on arcade machines can lead to getting 'the claw'
* A silent auction is not a contest to guess the right price
* When moving a couch upstairs, Pivot
* It's possible to drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds
* Regina Falange and Ken Adams make great false names
* Eating too much meat can cause 'meat sweats'
* Everyone has an identical hand twin

Regrets

If you look right the way, you see that the whole world is a garden

-Frances Hodgson Burnett

Je bent mijn vriendin

Er is een plek, en daar staat iedereen die ik liefheb. Ik zie vanaf mijn plek allemaal paden. En al mijn dierbaren willen een ander pad bewandelen. We bewandelen ons eigen pad, en soms doorkruisen de paden elkaar, en dan kom ik een dierbare tegen. Even later verlies ik die persoon weer uit het oog. Misschien uren, dagen of jaren. Plots hield een dierbare op met het bewandelen van haar pad. En ik had werkelijk geen idee waar ze was. Ik ging terug naar mijn plek, en daar staat ze nog steeds iedere dag.

xxx Char

& he said:

I had a dream about you last night
I dreamed that you were dead
When I woke up I wanted to call
And get it out of my head
But we don't talk anymore
I made sure of that
But I'd give anything to hear your voice
I would do better if I could go back
I'm sorry for your tears
I'm sorry I never told you in all of these years
I didn't leave you like I should
I hope you found someone to love you like I tried to
But never could

I always knew that it wasn't right
To get involved with you
But I never thought that you would fall so fast
Got me to thinkin', what the hell am I gonna do?
But now you seem like you're fine
Like you've moved on with your life
But I'd give anything to talk to you
And tell you I know I didn't treat you right.

xxx Char

I've got you under my skin

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin

I try so not to give in
I said to myself this affair, it never will go so well
But why should I try to resist when baby, I know damn well
That I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near, in spite
Of a warning voice that comes in the night
It repeats, repeats in my ear

Don't you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you makes me stop just before I begin
Because I've got you under my skin

I would sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near, in spite
Of a warning voice that comes in the night
It repeats, how it yells in my ear

Don't you know you fool, ain`t no chance to win
Why not use your mentality, get up, wake up to reality
And each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop just before I begin
Because I've got you under my skin

And I like you under my skin

xxx Char

The evil remains

I'm not the same child that I once was
I left my compassion on the side of the road
When I learned the power of ego and confidence,
All to please you
But I'm sure that you regret it now
I'm sure that you regret me now
Because I fucking do
I do
All my desire and all my innocence burned away
Just the evil remains, just the judgements remain
And here I stand king of the mountain, all alone,
Surrounded by pain that I brought on myself

xxx Char

Regret

I shouldn't need to wish that I am all I am not
I shouldn't need to always offer you my thoughts, but I do
And I've opened myself up to the wrong and felt that pain
And I've opened myself all up to you and felt the same
Please don't explain, just let me continue dreaming.
You understand what hurts me but I was the one who made that known
And now it seems my time is over and I need some time alone.
Why must I be affected
By the words of those who know not what they've said?
You're no longer someone I'll remember
But someone I'll regret

xxx Char

Waar ik sta

Ik probeer je te vergeten, maar waar ik ook ben, ik kom je tegen
In m’n gedachte blijf je me achtervolgen, je leeft nog in me
En steeds wanneer ik denk ‘oke nu heb ik jou verbannen'
Krijg ik een smsje ‘lieve schat, ik hou zo van je’
Ik heb een antwoord klaar, twijfel of ik terug zal sturen
Ik vraag mezelf af ‘hoelang gaat deze shit nog duren’
Het slijt met de tijd en ze zeggen dat ik verder kan
Hoe kan ik denken dat ik niet aan jou moet denken dan?
Ik bel je toch weer op om nog een keer je stem te horen
Zeg dat het goed gaat, maar het gaat niet goed, want shit ik ben verloren
Je trekt steeds naar me toe en ik naar jou, wat is dit nou?
Ik kan niet loslaten terwijl ik je niet vast kan houden
Als dit zo doorgaat word ik gek ik moet de knoop doorhakken
Maar denken dat je van me houdt maakt het zo lastig als een motherfucker
Moet ik je nooit meer zien? Ik zou het echt niet weten
Maar ik probeer je te vergeten...

xxx Char

I'm taking these Polaroids

Seven A.M. and I wake to find an empty spot where you'd lay
and I think that its a bad start to this Saturday.
You'll use a copy-cat reason for your delay
and I'll nod my head and smile.

I know around ten that you'll finally decide to roll in
and your give me that little wink & small grin
and I'd let it go again but not this time..

I'm taking these Polaroids so you'll remember
the way it was before you left me for her.
And with each flash comes a sweet, sweet memory.
I hope that when she does you wrong you think of me.
Yea, I hope that she cheats just like you cheat.

It's 7 PM and you're calling saying
"I'm working late, don't wait up for me."
I say I love you and hang up the phone-
it's funny how you think that I don't know... but

I'm taking these Polaroids so you'll remember
the way it was before you left me for her.
And with each flash comes a sweet, sweet memory.
I hope that when she does you wrong you think of me.
Yea, I hope that she cheats just like you cheat.

Yea, you think I'm so clueless & my life would be hopeless without you in it.
I'd write a letter with reason of why I'm better without you, but I don't know where to begin it.
And tomorrow when you come home, your stuff will be stacked and damp with gasoline..
Strike 1, strike 2, strike 3 - you're out, hope you don't miss your things.

xxx Char

Hang in there

Crazy laws

1. In Devon, Texas, it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.

2. In Oklahoma, you can be arrested for making ugly faces at a dog.

3. In South Carolina it is legal to beat your wife on the court house steps
on Sundays.

4. In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is: Death. ( Go figure...)

5. In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to tie a dollar bill on a string on the
ground and pull it away when someone tries to pick it up.

6. In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.

7. In France, it is against the law to sell an "E.T" doll. They have a law
forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.

8. In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away if the driver is
thought to be either "poorly dressed" or "unbathed"

9. In the state of Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under
any circumstances

10. In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.

11. In Massachusetts, it is illegal to go to bed without first having a bath.
(However, another law prohibits bathing on Sunday)

12. In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your own wife's birthday...

13. In Salt Lake Country, Utah, it’s illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag

She

she calls him early because she knows he’ll be asleep. she leaves a message after the beep. she says she’s better now but she’s still incomplete. she’s trying hard to make her voice sound soft and sweet.a couple hours pass until he picks up the phone. he wasn’t ready for the shock. he holds his breath, now he plays the message twice and then the dull tone reminds him that she’s not around. its a lonely sound.

xxx Char

One day

There have been lots of cars in my driveway and lots of boys on my couch. I’ve toyed with bad boys, momma’s boys && country boys. I’ve been broken by a few and broken a few myself. I’ve never said " I love you," and I’ve never had the need. I’ve been the rebound, the challenge, the fallback, and the girlfriend. I’ve been the mistake, and the correction. One day someone will love me for what I’ve been and what I am, where I’ve been and where I am. One day. Someone will love me.

xxx Char

Broken

drunk and lovesick

Sing me a song, tell me about
The things you're dealing with lately
I don't understand how you could
Sing to me lies, let them linger
Inside of me, give me a reason
To stay with you, just let me know
So I can run away faster than ever before

xxx Char

Let u wel even op?

God roept u

xxx Char

Jij

Ze hebben me geleerd u te zeggen.
Ze hebben me geleerd dat er niks groter is in het universum.
Ik volgde blind was nog maar een kind
Speelde met vuur, en z’n vingers brandde aan de lucifers

en

Ik wil nu niet vechten, wil je niet langer vast keten
aan wat geschreven is met miljoenen verzen.
Ik weet dat ik je evenbeeld ben.
En als ik even stil ben,

dan weet ik dat we noch verleden, noch toekomst delen.
Noch leegte, noch eeuwige groene velden.
We moeten verder, want we kunnen het niet terug draaien.
En als het wel kon weet ik niet of ik het wel zou willen terug draaien.

-Bart van Oosten ©

xxx Char

Things I know about him:

• he always eats gum. And if he takes two pieces, it means he is going to kiss you.
  
• he's been hurt before. Big time. And I'm not letting anyone do that to him again.
• he can be really sweet and caring, but he decides to play an asshole.
• he's that guy I'd be stupid to trust and he is trouble, but I can't recist.
• deep inside he is a cute, little boy who's just looking for love.

Things I know about me:

• I'm absolutely crazy about this guy and I'm about to proof him that I'm not like his backstabbing, controlling ex-girlfriend and that I can be good enough.

xxx Char

Can I just say one more thing?

What's worse than being blindly in love
with a guy and not seeing what he really is,
is being head over heels in love with a guy
and seeing him for exactly what he really is.
The asshole, the cheater, the guy who breaks your heart
over and over again and still loving him,
and not being able to get over him.

xxx Char

Last poem my aunt wrote for me

Één sterke vreugdelijn door heel je leven
Van vroeg tot laat, altijd je trouw,
Waarop je steunen kunt én geven;
Dat is mijn wens voor jou.

Liefs van Ayka

Is it over yet?

If anyone ask
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
What do I care if they believe me or not
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong.

xxx Char

El amor esta en el aire

Love is..

( a girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me u love me.
Girl: Fine, I love u. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
(Girl hugs him)
Guy: Can u take my helmet off & put it on? Its buggin me.

In the paper the next day:
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. 2 people were on it but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him, felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she would live even though it meant he would die

xxx
Char

Zelfportret

Milk & Coockies

Click here and I guarentee you will laugh

xxx Char

This is amazing

Klik hier

Hello babies

Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies:

"God damn it, you've got to be kind."

xxx Char

If I were a whale..

...I'd eat boats!


X

Cause i cant make you love me if you don't

I just poured my heart out,
there's bits of it on the floor.
And i take whats left of it and
rinse it under cold water,
and call him up for more.

And I say,
"Baby, yes I feel stupid to call you,
but I'm lonely.
And I don't think you meant it when you said
you couldn't love me.
And I thought maybe that if I kissed the way you do,
then you'd feel it too."

xxx Char

Guus Meeuwis - Haven in zicht

Je laat mijn handen los
en slaat je ogen neer
je spreekt het vonnis langzaam uit
je wilt niet meer
ik zou iets willen zeggen
maar ik mis gewoon de kracht
nu je ogen niet meer blauw zijn
maar zo donker als de nacht

En ineens is het voorbij
en is er geen later
en ineens is het geen storm
in een glas water
maar een somber weerbericht
en het anker wordt gelicht
jij drijft weg met de haven in zicht

Ineens woedt er orkaankracht
op de open zee we dansen
als een speelbal op de golven mee
ik zou je willen redden
maar de zee heeft overmacht
en ik zie je verder drijven
als een schip in de nacht

En ineens is het voorbij
en is er geen later
en ineens is het geen storm
in een glas water
maar een somber weerbericht
en het anker wordt gelicht
jij drijft weg met de haven in zicht

I want the life everyone thinks I have

I don't want to cry no more & I don't want to hurt no more. I don't want to love anymore especially if it causes this. I don't want no part of it because it hurts me so bad. Even when it's sunny outside it still feels like it's raining.

I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, grace and strenght to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strenght to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go. That's the part of grace that really sucks.

xxx Char

My friday nights

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for.

xxx Char

For Mickey

I have to face the truth that no one could ever look at me like you do, like i'm something worth holding onto.

But we both got someone else now & I hope you look at her like the way you used to look at me. & I wish he would look at me the way you used to look.

xxx Char

To the man who lives in the shadow of my past

You say "how sad"
You say "poor thing"
But when its you its something else
Its everything

You'll never believe the nightmares
You'll never know the pain you caused
You'll never see the scars you left
The things you stole

You took my body, tore it in half
You took my childhood my heart and my laugh
You took everything I kept for myself
And then you're gone
Im not your poor thing

xxx Char

Best Song Ever

Onder de grond,
onder de grond,
daar woont een mol
met een jasje van bont.

Hij graaft een gang,
tien meter lang,
zand op z’n kop
en zand op z’n wang.

Molletje kan bijna niet zien.
Is dat soms gevaarlijk misschien?

Molletje, straks stoot je je kop.
Zet dus voortaan een brilletje op!

xxx Char

Don't act like you don't like it

<3

For my girl

I don't really know what exactly happened in your past. But from what I do know..I think this song fits your life perfectly:

Kellie Pickler - I wonder

Sometimes I think about you.
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinkin' about me.
And would you even recognize,
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be.
Cuz I look in the mirror and all I see,
Are your brown eyes looking back at me.
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

I think about how it ain't fair.
That you weren't there to braid my hair like mothers do.
You weren't around to cheer me on.
Help me dress for my high school prom like mothers do.
Did you think I didn't need you here.
To hold my hand, to dry my tears.
Did you even miss me through the years at all?

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

Forgiveness.
Such a simple word.
But its so hard to do.
When you've been hurt.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
And just in case you're wondering about me.
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off to Tennessee

xxx Char

I told you so

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

What if...?

When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-ifs that they forget what-is. They spend so much time thinking, 'what if i get hurt?' and 'what if it doesn't work out?' that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love...because what if this is the person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with?

xxx Char

I'd Lie

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long

And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you
His favorite color's green
And he loves to argue
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie

xxx Char

Thank you darling

"She's great. I mean she's...she's smart. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's a big ol' scaredy cat. If you creep up behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. Um, she's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from Char even if the truth hurts. She's stubborn. We fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really good friend. And loyal to a fault, she's...she believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so I mean, it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. God, if she goes away I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she's...she's my best friend, you know? She's... she's more than that ...she's everything"

Glitter in the air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don’t care?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it
ever get better than tonight?

xxx Char

stay beautiful

You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know?
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful

xxx Char

For R

Is it you I want?
Or just the notion
of a heart to wrap around
so I can find my way around

xxx Char

For Tessa

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all

Baby...please don't stop dreaming about the 'taste' of a 'magnum'

xxx Char

For my lovely brother

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better

xxx Char

Right?

I don't mind it. I don't mind at all. It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls.
It's like the way we fight, the times I cried. We come to blows and every night the passion's there
so it's got to be right, right? No, I don't believe you when you say, "Don't come around here anymore."
I won't remind you that you said we wouldn't be apart.

No, I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore, so don't pretend to not love me at all.
I don't mind it. I still don't mind it at all. It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up.
It looks like you've given up, you've had enough, but I want more. No, I won't stop because I just know you'll come around.

Right?

xxx Char

Music

Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.

xxx Char

How to install love

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?
Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.

It's true!

I only want his body

What if I only wanted him for his body? What if I only wanted to greet him in the morning with my lips and tell him goodnight the same way?

What if I only wanted wanted to hold his hand as tightly as possible, have his grip in my own and wrap him in my arms. Touch his every corner and curve and tease him until he touched me back.

What if I only wanted his eyes to pierce deeply into my soul and read my mind. Connect with my own eyes and have a private conversation in a code only he can understand. With each passing glance he would know exactly how I feel.

What if I only wanted him for his feet? To walk with me during the hard times and kick away the crap that plagued my being. To stamp down with authority in his own opinions and get a running start surprising me by taking the initiative to jump at any moment he sees fit.

What if I only wanted him for his chest? Something I could lay my head on and listen to the measure of his heart, and how much of it beats for me when I'm near.

What if I only wanted him for his backside. Something to sneak up on and wrap my arms around for nothing but the simple pleasure of feeling him against me. Just a subtle way to remind him that through everything "I've got his back."

So, whats wrong if I only wanted him for his body?

xxx Char

What was worse?

Growing up back it had it perks. We watched great television and learned how computers worked. But before you dismiss us as a shallow sugary cereal generation, take a look at our life education:

You may have seen your president get shot,
but we see brutal violence in our school parking lot.
You came out of Vietnam with a few heroes,
but there were a lot of deaths at Ground Zero.
You were judged by your color and race,
but that was before school shooting took place.
So life may have been tough back in 1967,
but was it worse than seeing what happened on 9/11?
Was the media pumping you with fear all the time?
Harvard was a famous school not Columbine.
You fought battles overseas
but we fight ones with ourselves daily.

So next time you think you're traumatized and real,
we'll be in the badroom throwing up our meals

xxx Char

Dus...

Wanneer een ander potentiële liefde dichterbij komt, neem ik afstand, al laat ik hem niet zo dichtbij komen dan 'hij' mij toeliet. Ik ben bang om weer gekwetst te worden en bang om de liefde weer voorzichtig aan te mogen raken die me vervolgens weer afgenomen zal worden. 'Hij' en de liefde houden mij nog steeds in de houtgreep als een heftig judogevecht, waarbij de een los wil komen en de ander dit niet toestaat. Ik zal dit figuurlijke gevecht winnen, want ik wil dat de liefde weer in mijn leven wordt toegelaten en ik hier volop met heel mijn hart en ziel van kan genieten!

xxx Char

Romeo & Juliet

Something that I dont understand about them:

The two met for a few minutes, started getting it on a few hours later on a balcony. They married 3 days later. 3 days! Keep in mind they hardly spoke then. Got married, did the big deed, and long story short - they died. They were lust. I bet Juliet didn´t even known Romeo´s favorite color, much less his birthday. I dont want a relationship like that. I want one where I know everything about him. That is more important than looks!

xxx Char

Stupid Love

Sometimes, I just miss that boy.

The one who held my hand walking down the street; who's arms I laid in & never wanted to go away.
The one who I talked to for hours & told pointless stories to.
The one who knew everything about me & liked me anyway.
The one who knew exactly what I was saying even if I didn't, & helped me when I had no clue what to do.
The one who showed me what love was & what it was like to need someone there.

The one who could only make me cry & hurt me like no other guy could. Those eyes that said everything, that sense of sarcasm that was always there; the way even he couldn't stop from falling in love.
That even though we fought constantly & couldn't stand each other, we couldn't leave each other's side.

Something is still there; something that never left me the day that boy broke my heart in two.
Something like your first love that wasn't ready to end.
Something that makes your stomach flip at the brush of a hand or arm.
Something that makes it so much harder to know that he's not yours anymore, but hers.

Something that makes you want to hide away & cry all those tears, because suddenly all of those memories come back & it almost hurts worse to know that it's all out of control.

And you just miss everything about that boy that isn't ever coming back.

xxx Char

Stop leaving me

I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me! You walk away when you want, you come back when you want! You stand by your friends. But you leave me! So I'm asking you, If you don't see a future for us, if you're not in this, Please - please, just end it because I can't, I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.

xxx Char

White horse

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, The days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

xxx Char

Hold a true friend with both your hands

Mijn liefste vriendinnetje Marjon. Wat mis ik haar toch. Maar daar wil ik wel meteen even bij zeggen dat ik het super moedig, en stoer vind dat zij haar droom achtervolgt. Ook al staat zij er soms alleen voor. En ook al is ze heeeeeel ver weg.

Meisje, ik zou willen dat er woorden waren die kunnen omschrijven hoe belangrijk jouw vriendschap is voor mij.

Je hebt al veel meegemaakt. Je hebt pijn gevoeld waarvan ik hoopte dat jou dat bespaard was gebleven. En ook al had je het moeilijk, je stond/staat altijd voor mij klaar. En ik hoop dat je weet dat je ook altijd op mij kunt rekenen.

Jij vertelt mij altijd eerlijk hoe jij dingen ziet. Als ik ergens een probleem om maak, durf je rustig te zeggen dat ik me aanstel. I love it! & I love you.

"We have been friends togetherIn sunshine and in shade."~Caroline Sheridan Norton

xxx Char

....

Every widow wakes one morning, perhaps after years of pure and unwavering grieving, to realize she slept a good night's sleep, and will be able to eat breakfast, and doesn't hear her husband's ghost all the time, but only some of the time. Her grief is replaced with a useful sadness. Every parent who loses a child finds a way to laugh again. The timbre begins to fade. The edge dulls. The hurt lessens. Every love is carved from loss. Mine was. Yours is. Your great-great-great-grandchildren's will be. But we learn to live in that love.

Voor Stacey

And I swear
If I could take this knife out of my back,
I would, I would
But between the loss of blood
And the loss of my trust in you,
I don't think it'd do any good.

Happy Easter

Hero of war

He said "Son, have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say if I said that you could?
Just carry this gun and you'll even get paid."
I said "That sounds pretty good."

Black leather boots
Spit-shined so bright
They cut off my hair but it looked alright
We marched and we sang
We all became friends
As we learned how to fight

A hero of war
Yeah that's what I'll be
And when I come home
They'll be damn proud of me
I'll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it's a flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

I kicked in the door
I yelled my commands
The children, they cried
But I got my man
We took him away
A bag over his face
From his family and his friends

They took off his clothes
They pissed in his hands
I told them to stop
But then I joined in
We beat him with guns
And batons not just once
But again and again

A hero of war
Yeah that's what I'll be
And when I come home
They'll be damn proud of me
I'll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it's a flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

She walked through bullets and haze
I asked her to stop
I begged her to stay
But she pressed on
So I lifted my gun
And I fired away

The shells jumped through the smoke
And into the sand
That the blood now had soaked
She collapsed with a flag in her hand
A flag white as snow

A hero of war
Is that what they see
Just medals and scars
So damn proud of me

And I brought home that flag
Now it gathers dust
But it's a flag that I love
It's the only flag I trust

He said, "Son, have you seen the world?
Well what would you say, if I said that you could?"

He's back on drugs again

-Voor jou, big brother -

He's back on drugs again
Even though he knows it ain't right
He can't even call up his friends
And say "help me save my life"
He's so ashamed of himself that he's
Come full circle
Nobody understands what it's like to
Be this boy
So he disappeared, and he
Wasn't clear, and he
Didnt say where he was going

Save his life, won't you help?

He had the woman of his dreams
And some success
And he was so happy, and looking well
It was this one dark night, that he
Slipped
And then the next morning that he
Felt like a piece of shit
So he's hanging out, and he's
With the crowd, and he's
Travelin' where the wind is blowing

And she's a real good girl and she
Wants to save him 'cause she's
More than been there all before
And he's so confused and her heart
Is breaking and she
Dreams he's knockin' on her door

save his life

Please?

X Char

The big question

Are you going for the one you love

or

the one who loves you?


X Char

I miss you more than you will ever know.

It is one of life's tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings becomes someone you knew.

Or when you can walk right past someone that at one part of your life was a big part of your life...And how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life...and now you can barely look at them and they at you.

And all you have left is that aching feeling in your soul...

X Char

You

How I see myself...

I think I'm always that one girl who never gets the guy. Always losing. But putting up a good fight. Afterwards thinking "Damn, you sunk my battleship!"

Everyone thinks I'm indestructible. The girl who never flinches, the girl who always has a smile on her face, the girl who's gone through nothing, the girl who has no scars. And I don't want to live behind a wall of laughter and smiles anymore. I want people to understand me, I want people to understand how hard it is to deal with all this crap and still be expected to be happy. Why can everyone else just fall apart, while I have to keep it all together?

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

I always fall for that one guy who is so out of reach but still close enough to make it hurt.

I dont understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

My problem

You wanna know what my problem is? My problem is that I love jerks. I'm a magnet for them. As long as they're good at lying and tells a good story. As long as they flirt way too much with no intention of ever caring about me. As long as they run like hell the minute I need them.
I'm the girl assholes love to leave. Yeah, I think that's what wrong with me.

X Char

For C.

It was almost as if you disappeared, wasn't it? Say the magic words and "Tada!" you're gone.

Now what are the magic words to bring you back? Cos..well..I miss you

Maybe you were just one of those people who were supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, then walk out.

Love,
Char

It's my party

And I'll cry if I want to!

X Char

Regen is kut..

De douche is lief :)

X Char

I've learned

I've learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember.

I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There's nothing I can do to change that.

I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won't care.

I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is.

I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

X Char

You want to know what happiness is?

Its waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so you dont wake them. You turn back around and a smile forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than that.

X Char

Once upon a time

...there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.

X Char

iTunes sucks!

Dus dat!

Een jij

Wie ben ik zonder een jij
Een jij als in jij en ik
Want een jij en ik maakt wij
En alleen in een wij ben ik, ik

Zonder een jij is er geen ik
Want zonder een jij is er geen wij
En zonder een wij ben ik niet ik
Wie ben ik zonder een jij

X Char

Things are only as complicated as you make them.

"wil je thee?"
Terwijl hij het vraagt schenkt hij alvast in. Ik durf niet zo goed nee te zeggen. "Je bent mooi" zegt hij dan, en ik vraag me af tegen hoeveel vrouwen hij dit zal zeggen.

Het zijn woorden die ik zo vaak heb gehoord. Nooit hoor ik dat ik zo slim ben, of grappig. Nee mooi, en ik voel me als een Barbie in een doos. Ik zeg "bedankt" maar ik weet niet wat ik verder moet zeggen.

Doelloos roer ik met mijn lepeltje, alles om maar even afgeleid te worden van mijn gedachten. "Wil je iets eten? Of film kijken? Je mag ook blijven slapen" zegt hij dan en hij wil een antwoord. Ik weet het niet. Alsof mijn hoofd opeens totaal leeg is.
"Filmpje is goed" en ik ben blij dat ik even niets hoef te verzinnen om leuker en liever te lijken dan ik ben.

"ik vind je leuk." Het zijn woorden die ik wil zeggen, maar ik kan het niet. Ik word misselijk bij het idee, dat ik zo breekbaar kan zijn. "ik vind..." en ik blijf strak naar de tv kijken. "ja?" en ik durf zijn blik niet te beantwoorden. "ik vind dit een leuke film" iets wat een onzinnige uitspraak is, aangezien hij nog geen 3 minuten is begonnen. "mooi" en ik spiek even hoe hij zijn thee opdrinkt.

Koud en moe kruip ik in bed, denkend aan hoe stom ik ben, dat ik niet gewoon kan zeggen als ik iemand leuk vind. Te bang om iets stuk te maken wat nog niet eens bestaat.

X Char

Zou het..?

Amor omnis vincit, tempus sed fortit us est

Liefde overwint alles, maar tijd is sterker

X Char

Neem eens wat vaker de trein

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience and the delays. While expressing your dislike for the inconvenience, please do not curse, spit, or throw things at the conductor and train crew.

Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.

Conductor: This train is very crowded. If you cannot fit, please step back and wait for the next train. If you manage to get onto this very crowded train, look at the person next to you and tell them, "Howdy!"

Conductor: This is 175th Street. This is an A train to...This is an A train to... to nothing! Hey, does anyone know where we're going?

Conductor, angrily: Yo, stand clear of the closing doors of my choo-choo!

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop on this train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. Also, you'll want to remember to take the little ones, because we charge too much for babysitting.

Conductor over loudspeaker: Hey! To the kid who just gave me the finger--grow up!

Conductor: This is a Downtown Express c train. Express express express express express express. Express. Don't say I didn't warn you, people.

Conductor: For those of you getting off at Seaford Station, the front two cars will not platform at Seaford. I suggest you take the time now to move back to the cars that will make the platform at Seaford...or you can do what everyone does anyway and wait until the last minute and panic.

X Char

Let's face it, at some point I'm gonna be homeless

Na een mislukte poging tot het volgen van de opleiding Media en Informatie Management (MIM), ben ik nu hard op zoek naar een nieuwe opleiding. Tot ik deze heb gevonden, werk ik nu fulltime my butt off.

Omdat het PR bureau waar ik werk nu een aantal stagiaires heeft, kan ik daar alleen op woensdag en vrijdag werken. Hierdoor ben ik dus soort van "verplicht" om de andere 3 dagen bij de AH te werken. Leuke mensen hoor, maar het blijft een supermarkt met veel te weinig personeel.

Met een beste vriendin die nu op haar zelf woont en de perfecte studie (voor haar dan) volgt, en een andere beste vriendin die met haar gat in Su zit, vraag ik me toch af hoe het met mij gaat aflopen. Zal ik ook een opleiding vinden die mij gelukkig gaat maken? En vind ik ook nog een huisje waarin ik alle spullen kan dumpen die ik het afgelopen jaar heb verzameld voor mijn uitzet?

Anyway..ik ga proberen hier het een en ander bij te houden over The Big Search to Education en hoe de rest van mijn leventje verloopt.

Talk2YaLater