My friday nights

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for.

xxx Char

For Mickey

I have to face the truth that no one could ever look at me like you do, like i'm something worth holding onto.

But we both got someone else now & I hope you look at her like the way you used to look at me. & I wish he would look at me the way you used to look.

xxx Char

To the man who lives in the shadow of my past

You say "how sad"
You say "poor thing"
But when its you its something else
Its everything

You'll never believe the nightmares
You'll never know the pain you caused
You'll never see the scars you left
The things you stole

You took my body, tore it in half
You took my childhood my heart and my laugh
You took everything I kept for myself
And then you're gone
Im not your poor thing

xxx Char

Best Song Ever

Onder de grond,
onder de grond,
daar woont een mol
met een jasje van bont.

Hij graaft een gang,
tien meter lang,
zand op z’n kop
en zand op z’n wang.

Molletje kan bijna niet zien.
Is dat soms gevaarlijk misschien?

Molletje, straks stoot je je kop.
Zet dus voortaan een brilletje op!

xxx Char

Don't act like you don't like it

<3

For my girl

I don't really know what exactly happened in your past. But from what I do know..I think this song fits your life perfectly:

Kellie Pickler - I wonder

Sometimes I think about you.
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinkin' about me.
And would you even recognize,
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be.
Cuz I look in the mirror and all I see,
Are your brown eyes looking back at me.
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

I think about how it ain't fair.
That you weren't there to braid my hair like mothers do.
You weren't around to cheer me on.
Help me dress for my high school prom like mothers do.
Did you think I didn't need you here.
To hold my hand, to dry my tears.
Did you even miss me through the years at all?

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
There's sunny skies as far as I can see.
If you ever come back home to Carolina.
I wonder what you'd say to me.

Forgiveness.
Such a simple word.
But its so hard to do.
When you've been hurt.

Oh I hear the weather's nice in California.
And just in case you're wondering about me.
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off to Tennessee

xxx Char

I told you so

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

What if...?

When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-ifs that they forget what-is. They spend so much time thinking, 'what if i get hurt?' and 'what if it doesn't work out?' that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love...because what if this is the person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with?

xxx Char

I'd Lie

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long

And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you
His favorite color's green
And he loves to argue
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie

xxx Char

Thank you darling

"She's great. I mean she's...she's smart. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's a big ol' scaredy cat. If you creep up behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. Um, she's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from Char even if the truth hurts. She's stubborn. We fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really good friend. And loyal to a fault, she's...she believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so I mean, it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. God, if she goes away I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she's...she's my best friend, you know? She's... she's more than that ...she's everything"

Glitter in the air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don’t care?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it
ever get better than tonight?

xxx Char

stay beautiful

You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know?
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful

xxx Char

For R

Is it you I want?
Or just the notion
of a heart to wrap around
so I can find my way around

xxx Char

For Tessa

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all

Baby...please don't stop dreaming about the 'taste' of a 'magnum'

xxx Char

For my lovely brother

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better

xxx Char

Right?

I don't mind it. I don't mind at all. It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls.
It's like the way we fight, the times I cried. We come to blows and every night the passion's there
so it's got to be right, right? No, I don't believe you when you say, "Don't come around here anymore."
I won't remind you that you said we wouldn't be apart.

No, I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore, so don't pretend to not love me at all.
I don't mind it. I still don't mind it at all. It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up.
It looks like you've given up, you've had enough, but I want more. No, I won't stop because I just know you'll come around.

Right?

xxx Char

Music

Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.

xxx Char

How to install love

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?
Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.

It's true!

I only want his body

What if I only wanted him for his body? What if I only wanted to greet him in the morning with my lips and tell him goodnight the same way?

What if I only wanted wanted to hold his hand as tightly as possible, have his grip in my own and wrap him in my arms. Touch his every corner and curve and tease him until he touched me back.

What if I only wanted his eyes to pierce deeply into my soul and read my mind. Connect with my own eyes and have a private conversation in a code only he can understand. With each passing glance he would know exactly how I feel.

What if I only wanted him for his feet? To walk with me during the hard times and kick away the crap that plagued my being. To stamp down with authority in his own opinions and get a running start surprising me by taking the initiative to jump at any moment he sees fit.

What if I only wanted him for his chest? Something I could lay my head on and listen to the measure of his heart, and how much of it beats for me when I'm near.

What if I only wanted him for his backside. Something to sneak up on and wrap my arms around for nothing but the simple pleasure of feeling him against me. Just a subtle way to remind him that through everything "I've got his back."

So, whats wrong if I only wanted him for his body?

xxx Char

What was worse?

Growing up back it had it perks. We watched great television and learned how computers worked. But before you dismiss us as a shallow sugary cereal generation, take a look at our life education:

You may have seen your president get shot,
but we see brutal violence in our school parking lot.
You came out of Vietnam with a few heroes,
but there were a lot of deaths at Ground Zero.
You were judged by your color and race,
but that was before school shooting took place.
So life may have been tough back in 1967,
but was it worse than seeing what happened on 9/11?
Was the media pumping you with fear all the time?
Harvard was a famous school not Columbine.
You fought battles overseas
but we fight ones with ourselves daily.

So next time you think you're traumatized and real,
we'll be in the badroom throwing up our meals

xxx Char

Dus...

Wanneer een ander potentiële liefde dichterbij komt, neem ik afstand, al laat ik hem niet zo dichtbij komen dan 'hij' mij toeliet. Ik ben bang om weer gekwetst te worden en bang om de liefde weer voorzichtig aan te mogen raken die me vervolgens weer afgenomen zal worden. 'Hij' en de liefde houden mij nog steeds in de houtgreep als een heftig judogevecht, waarbij de een los wil komen en de ander dit niet toestaat. Ik zal dit figuurlijke gevecht winnen, want ik wil dat de liefde weer in mijn leven wordt toegelaten en ik hier volop met heel mijn hart en ziel van kan genieten!

xxx Char

Romeo & Juliet

Something that I dont understand about them:

The two met for a few minutes, started getting it on a few hours later on a balcony. They married 3 days later. 3 days! Keep in mind they hardly spoke then. Got married, did the big deed, and long story short - they died. They were lust. I bet Juliet didn´t even known Romeo´s favorite color, much less his birthday. I dont want a relationship like that. I want one where I know everything about him. That is more important than looks!

xxx Char

Stupid Love

Sometimes, I just miss that boy.

The one who held my hand walking down the street; who's arms I laid in & never wanted to go away.
The one who I talked to for hours & told pointless stories to.
The one who knew everything about me & liked me anyway.
The one who knew exactly what I was saying even if I didn't, & helped me when I had no clue what to do.
The one who showed me what love was & what it was like to need someone there.

The one who could only make me cry & hurt me like no other guy could. Those eyes that said everything, that sense of sarcasm that was always there; the way even he couldn't stop from falling in love.
That even though we fought constantly & couldn't stand each other, we couldn't leave each other's side.

Something is still there; something that never left me the day that boy broke my heart in two.
Something like your first love that wasn't ready to end.
Something that makes your stomach flip at the brush of a hand or arm.
Something that makes it so much harder to know that he's not yours anymore, but hers.

Something that makes you want to hide away & cry all those tears, because suddenly all of those memories come back & it almost hurts worse to know that it's all out of control.

And you just miss everything about that boy that isn't ever coming back.

xxx Char

Stop leaving me

I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me! You walk away when you want, you come back when you want! You stand by your friends. But you leave me! So I'm asking you, If you don't see a future for us, if you're not in this, Please - please, just end it because I can't, I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.

xxx Char

White horse

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, The days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

xxx Char